first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I am available for nakedness
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
