i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
