Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
