This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
