at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
