we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
