hell yes lets make some ravioli
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
