yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
