Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
