Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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