If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
