we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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