She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
