i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
