I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
