I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
