I need help removing her.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
