I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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