The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
