There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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