I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
