i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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