I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
