I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
