It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm too high and old for this...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
