kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
