i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
