You're a womanizer and a bitch.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
