Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
