She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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