So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
