Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
