4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
