I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
