Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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