Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
