i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
