I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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