I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
