everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
