all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
