His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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