Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
