I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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