he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
two words...techno handjob
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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