mondays should just be called national damage control day
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
