I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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