I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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