well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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