You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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