The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
